Keeping things to myself is already a way for me to protect myself since young. This also the reason why I find it hard to open my mouth to tell you what I'm thinking. All the time you are telling me to care for myself first. I don't know how to. I've never tried it before. Yes, people do change and I have not. And you are afraid that I'm going to get bullied or get advantage of. I remember every single word you say. And this blog is not to show you how pathetic I am. It's kind of a way To communicate with you! Well, i guess you really dont know me well enough. To let you know what I'm thinking. Every single quarrel you see me keeping quiet and you were annoyed. But I just can't tell you what I'm thinking. I don't know what I can do anymore alright? Its not that I don't trust you. It's that the wall of protecting myself is already here when I was young! I'm sorry if I make you feel like a fool or make you feel like I was treating you like a toy! And just to let you know I didn't treat Matthew or jayme like a toy in my entire life before! Not only them! EVERY SINGLE ONE IN MY LIFE, I've never treat anyone like a toy! So, take back your words~